I am emotionally exhausted. I realized this when I went to a restaurant to pick up my takeout order the other day. I felt the barista had an attitude when he said my order was not received. He suggested I ordered a new one. I was upset. The last thing I wanted to deal with that day was someone with a condescending attitude. After all, I am the one that has to calculate every move I make when taking walks in my neighborhood and prove that my blackness is not a crime or a threat to society. Given all that was going on in the country; COVID-19, Floyd protests, and Black Lives Matter, it had begun to take its toll.

I stepped out of the restaurant to speak with my wife and I realized the order was placed in my name and not hers. As I was going back in, I took a moment to process how I was feeling. I asked myself if I was being sensitive? Was the barista really rude? Was I projecting that the fact he was white, there was an extra meaning about his attitude?"

I went back in and gave him my name and he gave me my order. As I was about to leave, he said, "Thank you, brother." It hit me hard. Why did he say that? He didn't have to say that. Five minutes before, I was entertaining the thought that he had white allergies, and now, those words seemed to be his way of connecting with me - I see you, I hear you, and I feel your pain." His acknowledgment meant a lot to me. It occurred to me that there are probably many people like him who lack the courage to say it out loud. It was another reminder for me not to rush to judgment, and to challenge my assumptions. On further reflection, the following were my takeaways:

The #1 job in America right now is for all of us to do the work of reconciliation: According to the Meriam-Webster dictionary, Reconciliation is, "The act of causing two people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement. : the process of finding a way to make two different ideas, facts, etc., exist or be true at the same time." There is a lot of tension in the country right now and people are taking sides. I believe we are all created equal, and that all lives matter. In addition, I know that Black lives are disproportionately affected when it comes to police brutality, income inequality, workplace opportunities, even access to healthcare during this current COVID-19 pandemic. The point shouldn't be Black Lives Matter vs. All Lives Matter. For example, If you step on a nail, it is natural to attend to the hurting foot first. Attending to that foot first does not mean that the other foot is not equally important. You need both feet to be healthy to be in your best form. Similarly, we should all focus on how we can address the current pain, and then ensure that we have an inclusive environment where all groups can thrive.

Give Grace: From my experience with the cashier, I could have given him grace by assuming positive intent. I don't know what challenges or struggles he is going through, and frankly, I might have been the person overreacting. It is more imperative during difficult times to give grace. In the absence of a grace-filled environment, people will not speak up for fear of saying the wrong things. And, it is easy to label silence as indifference and signs of white allergies. We must extend grace to all parties. Be curious. Listen and learn from those who are different from you. Do not let your doubts overshadow your desire to be human.

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. They must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

Nelson Mandela

Be slow to judge others: You and I have lenses through which we view the world. You do not see things as they are, but as you are. Are your lenses getting in the way of reconciliation? Are you daily conversations building bridges or walls? Just like you judge yourself by your intentions, and not your actions, why not extend that same courtesy to others that are different from you? Rather than calling people out, call them up.

Have more first-hand encounters: I have been told by my white friends that I am "different" from many black folks. The truth is, I am not. I hear this because my friends have come to know me as a person, and not the stereotype they had in their minds. Stereotypes are one-sided stories. Having regular interactions with people different from you is what breaks stereotypes down.

Forgive: Love does not keep a record of wrongs. Refuse to keep company with bitterness and anger. If you want to be free from the pain of the past, honor it, and release it. Where you are headed is greater than where you have been.

Some of George Floyd's last words were, "I can't breathe." We know what happened. What side of history are you going to be on? Are you going to help America breathe again or are you going to take the oxygen out of every room and conversation that you are in? George also cried out, "Mamma". He knew that during the toughest times and the darkest of days, you can count and bet on the love of a mother. Similarly, America is in pain right now. She is crying out your name. Are you going to answer her call? Are you going to become a reconciliation agent?