What happened to Ahmaud Arbery struck me. I am the father of two amazing boys, and I can't imagine what his mother, children, and loved ones are going through right now. Like Arbery, I go for walks in my neighborhood, and I have to calculate every move I make. When garage doors open, I look away for fear that someone might call the cops that a black man is loitering. Real or perceived, it is a burden that many people who look like me face in America today.
What happened to George, that could have been me. George's funeral is today. The question is, what happens next? The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting claimed the lives of 20 children between six and seven years old, and six adult staff members. I was convinced it was a watershed moment in America. Unfortunately, 8-years later, nothing much has changed. As the world watches and protesters from all over the world cry out for change and justice, I am hoping real progress will be made this time. Our window of opportunity closes each day. There is no better time than now to make change happen. Something else will dominate the news cycle, life will return to the COVID-19 normal, and if we are not careful, we will move on.
I appreciate the show of love and support from my leadership team, church community, colleagues, friends, and even strangers. The common question is, "What can I do to help? Before we get to the solutions space, we all need to take a look in the mirror. What is the quality of my relationships with people who look different from me? Have I taken the time to learn and understand their stories? Do I know how their skin color may be contributing to their pains, fears, challenges, or opportunities? Is my action or inaction contributing to the solution or problem? These questions are essential because as long as someone or a group of people are in the stranger category to you, suspicion, stereotypes, and fear would shapen your mindset. As we can see over and over again, the results of this mindset have been fatal for Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, and threatened Christian Cooper.
Reflecting on the question, "How can I help" my response is, "What can we all do to foster an environment where we can become more of friends and less of strangers to each other? Even when the news cycle changes, below are some tips that can help you in your journey:
Be Curious: Be attentive to your thoughts, feelings, and understand how they frame your mindset and behaviors. Also, seek to understand what drives people different than you, and match your response to the situation. For starters, you can watch former Longhorn linebacker Emmanuel Acho's 9-minute virtual conversation with white America, to educate and inform on racism, system racism, social injustice, rioting, and the hurt African Americans are feeling today.
Be a Friend: Start by asking, "Are you following what's going on in the news? How are you doing? How can I help." Silence is not always golden. Like MLK said, "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
Family: Have a conversation with your children and younger ones to let them know how you feel about what is going in. Educate them about the importance of celebrating and valuing differences. If we are going to break the wheel of hate in this country/world, we need to ensure we are equipping the next generation.
Be Fearless: Step up to address difficult issues. It is natural to feel uncomfortable having an awkward conversation with someone different than you. Reach out anyway. A text, phone call, email, or IM can go along way to show you care. Conversations are what turn strangers into friends, and build thriving communities.
Expand Your Circle: make a conscious effort to build relationships and network outside your comfort zone. It is easier to collaborate and take risks with someone you trust.
Take Action: Step out of your comfort zone and be a sponsor, ally, or mentor to someone at work or your local community. If you see something, say, and do something. Love is a verb. It goes beyond thoughts and words. Be the change you want to see.
I am hopeful that we will rebound from these setbacks. I also know that hope by itself is not a strategy. It must be backed up by our actions. This is not a black fight. It is our fight. It is a fight for the soul of humanity. No one group has all the answers, and no one group should bear all the burden. We are all in this together. We need each other to make this world a better place. Imagine what we can achieve when we all work together in unity.
What role are you going to play? How do you want to be remembered? How can we ensure that we have lasting change this time around?